Boobs on bikes went past my uni the other day. My classmates never turned up becuase they were on the street watching and the few who did make it, including the tutor, were gawking out the window. So I went to my seat, sat down, and waited for everyone to arrive after having had their dose of free porn for the day. Needless to say that it was an awkward experience for me.
I felt too scared to go with everyone and watch scantily clad females ride topless on the back of old men's motorbikes. There is this feeling that if I join in, I will be judged as enjoing the show and thus be looked upon as a lesbian who is -like many boys- obsessed with and turned on by boobs. It's not that I don't appreciate the female form, because that would be a lie to say that I don't, but It's just that I am not ready to be looked at as a lesbian in that sense.
It is a strange feeling to need to justify my being all the time. I often say 'ooo that guy is hot' or 'oh yeah, when I went out with that guy' just to throw the fact in the conversation that I haven't been interested in girls all my life and that I am still interested in guys. It is not that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's just that perception can be a scary thing! We all want acceptance in one way or another, and learning how to find it, as I am learning, often involves taking a step back and just accepting what is. I am who I am and I haven't changed, I know that but learning how to put that out to everyone else is a bit more of a challenge.
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Labels seem to be a very difficult thing, especially for members of the 'queer' community. For me, a bisexual man, I have this difficulty where I am perceived as straight by straight people and as an outsider by gay friends. I can't seem to fit anywhere so I prefer to adhere to the gay identity simply so I can be more honest. Labels help others understand you at a glance, but all the stereotypes always complicate things. The whole boobs on bikes thing is quite insightful, just the way something that simple can change how people view you, I was asked to go, and I honestly had no interest, but then that contradicts straight male attitudes. So, I remain stuck in a weird limbo, as bisexual people are not really part of any 'real' sexual identity. Now, honestly I believe thats crap, but we're stuck with this bipolar understanding of sexuality. I look forward to your future posts. -Alex
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, I totally agree. we live in a funny world don't you think; labels and stereotypes are a necesity for society to function, yet when they are attached to us they become one of the most hardest things to deal with. It is kind of a love/hate relationship.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't actually thought too much about the perspective of being caught in limbo, but now that I think about it, it really makes sense. I invite anyone who has had similar experiences to share your thoughts on this subject.
I reckon sometimes people mold themselves around the label they are given. In the same way that some doctors avoid giving mental health patients a diagnosis because it is a constant reminder that they have some kind of disorder. Even something simple like being male or female; e.g. "I am a man so I must drink beer and watch rugby." For some men, drinking beer and watching rugby is probably the result of adjusting to fit the 'man' mold.
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