Monday, September 21, 2009

Welcome to my not-so-secret identity

So at some point last year a very strange thing happenned to me. I started to develop these feeling that I couldn't control. Actually, I'm sure that has happenned to many people, so perhaps that's not the strange part. What was a little freaky though, was that I kinda, well not kinda - I did, fall in love with my best friend.

Ahh, now that was a pretty awkward situation. How do you explain to someone that you more than just 'friend-love' them? It really was a nasty little secret I was harbouring. It ate me up with fear, becuase I couldn't tell anybody. See the thing was, my friend was actually a female. Talk about throwing a spanner in the works.

So while I spent endless nights worrying about all these feelings and emotions that were piling up inside me, little did I know that my friend was feeling the same thing. Let me tell you now, that knowledge of a 'taboo' crush so to say, almost drove us apart before we had even given things a chance to surface.

For both of us it was an immensely difficult time. But let me save you the sticky details and just tell you that eventually things did find their place and so did we. One night it just all came out and from that point on we have really been inseperable. What was a forbidden crush has become my life, a queer on at that. It is a beautiful thing to fall in love and an even more amazing feeling to know that it is reciprocal. I am a very lucky girl and have never underestimated that.

However I live in a world where to be in a same sex relationship still isn't the norm. Before last year I never knew, understood, or was even interested in anything to do with the gay world. It is an awkward subject a lot of the time with labels and ideas attached that often make people cringe. For me though, life is just the same as ever, and I feel I am still relatively the same person as I always have been. Just because my sexual orientation appears different, it does not mean that I am. I dislike the word 'lesbian' and am still getting used to it. I do not concider myself to be one, and do not wish to stick labels on myself or my partner.

We simply 'are'. Just like you. We have our ups and downs, our fights and our good times. Of course, things aren't black and white - but when are they ever. I want to start this blog to give others an insight on what it is to be living a lifestyle that is so foriegn to so many people. I think it is important that we can break the cultural stigma that is 'to be gay', becuase I am living proof that it can happen to anyone. At the end of the day I believe that we fall in love with a person, not a gender, and that is what is important.

So enjoy reading, I hope you can take something from my musings. Feel free to comment, and be open to learning. Thanks and Cheers.

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